Saturday, November 5, 2011

A Horrible Night

My morning started hella early, earlier than a normal school day in fact. I woke up at 7 am to take the SAT, which didn't end till 1:07 PM. What the fuck. But to be honest it wasn't that bad. I was actually excited. While peeing in the ghetto bathroom stall I realized I was in the midst of paving my way to my future, and as corny as that sounds, it's totally true. These series of tests that I'm taking will determine which school I go to. It's frightening and exhilarating all at the same time. After the test I went to the library for a few hours to go do some homework and then went to tutoring with my dad for physics. And as lame, as Savy put it, as that sounds it wasn't. I've realized that I haven't been going my full potential. My partying, late night antics, and pot smoking have gotten in the way of who I can be, and I'm terrified. Savy surrounds herself with the ghetto (it's the only word I can think of ) people, and I'm petrified of becoming one of them. She went from Ausaur, a black boy from Takohma who had to repeat his senior year of high school, to Yan, a Russian who was arrested last night for punching a boy at a football game. I want neither kind in my life.

Today I was promised a night of drinking margarita's with the Sanchez family and enjoying a delicious meal. Instead Yan & his friend's from Ohio came over. They immediately pulled out the Rum, and Savy & Yan began "coupling." I'm all for that but do I really want to spend my one free night watching guys play Grand Theft Auto and Savy and Yan hook up and then be ditched so she can have sex? No. The whole thing was just so horribly awkward because she invited other people too. Actually isn't wasn't just awkward it was embarrassing. She invited Sara, a girl I was once really close friends with, and am now reconnecting with, and hardly talked to her because she was too busy mopping up Yan's puke and then fucking him.

I've reached a fork in the road & don't know how to handle the situation. I love Savy dearly, we are family, but I don't want that lifestyle any more and won't put up with it. Maybe it doesn't need to be either or. But I have a nagging suspicion that without following in Savy's lifestyle our relationship will drastically change, and that really terrifies me. Tonight I left. I decided I had had enough and had better things to do with my time. So midst fucking Yan I knocked on her door asking to unlock it so I could get my things and left. On the ride home Sara & I had a wonderful conversation. I see a silver lining to a bitter rain cloud. But what will become of all of this?  

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