Rosha Ganja

So much has happened in this last week, mainly homecoming and all that comes with it. But today is a holiday, Rosha Ganja. A holiday Savy & I obviously came up with. No in reality we had the day off school because it's Rosh Hashanah we decided since we are not jewish to turn it into a holiday we'd love too. So later on today a bunch of Field kids will be coming over to my house to celebrate, while the other half of my class is stuck in temple fasting. Really there is no comparison in holidays. Mine totally wins. Maybe this should become a tradition. Any jewish holiday we have change the name and invite kids over to smoke. I'm amazed by what social butterflies we're turning into.


Well I need to prepare the house with snacks and dryer sheets. But maybe I'll write later on tonight about how the day went. Happy Holidays!

Boys Are Stupid

So as many of you know teenage boys are stupid. This fact has been reiterated to me on numerous occasions but it didn't quite sink in until now. Brad, the guy I'm whatevering, is the perfect example. I realized a long time ago what I wanted from him, and made it quite clear. Maybe I made it clear, too soon, and too loud for him, I don't know. But today he finally made it clear what he wanted from me. Which as it happens is what I wanted from him months ago. As you can guess it's sex.

I spent many occasions obsessing about this non relationship relationship. And finally I realized what I was doing wrong. I was responding to everyone of his texts and just making myself too available to him. Now days I never initiate texts. In the last two months I have sent him exactly one text that is not a text in response to one of his that he sent me. And when he does text me I don't necessary respond right away or respond at all. The tables have been turned and I now have the power, it feels great.

An Epiphany

I had an epiphany yesterday, inspired by the author Norton Juster. He came to school yesterday and told us the story of how he came to write the book "The Phantom Tollbooth." It was a pure accident which he stumbled upon. He made me realize that what I really want to do is build. I'm not sure what exactly but for now that is enough for me. When Brendan was younger every Christmas and birthday he would receive Legos. It was my job to assemble them. I turned the task of building the Legos into a mini competition between myself and I. The goal was to build the Lego set without every looking at the directions. Something I always managed to accomplish.

Sitting by Savy's pool  yesterday on the outside deck. I had a vision of expanding it adding glass and creating a space we could use in winter too. And it really hit me that building was something I was serious about. I've realized the lifestyle I image for my future self is great but I'd rather be happy doing something I love. Hopefully I'll also become rich but if I'm unhappy and rich I'll never be able to appreciate the money. So I choose happiness. Maybe the psychic is right I'm finding my way and straightening out all that is out of sorts.

Playlist: Take It To The Moon

I'm sitting here making a playlist and just chilling. It's so nice. I forgot how much I love music! It use to be such a huge part of my life. I remember living with my uncle and every night after super he'd crank up his old NYC 80s DJ System all the way up. I'm trying to reestablish that in my life, now that I have his record player and records and my stereo. My playlist has a unique combination of artists including; Xahpoon Jones, Wiz, Rilo Kiley, Plan B, Mumford & Sons, Kanye West & Jazy, Fitz & the Tantrums, & Aloe Black, to name a few. But I can't be bothered to write anymore names, because I'm going to go back to making it.
     
       xx B

Remembering 9/11

I can't believe it has been ten years since 9/11. It's odd to think that some children weren't even alive when it happened. I will never forget that day. I stayed home from school and my mum called me into her room and we listened to the radio. I won't forget those images of the towers going down.

I've never seen D.C. under such high alert. There are drug dogs and police officers all over the metro. Streets are blocked off. Cars are patrolling the streets. Last night when I went out there were cops parked on literally every block of D.C. Everyone was on there best driving behavior last night for fear of being pulled over.

On Friday people at school were talking about how there's going to be a terrorist attack. I never thought about it, until last night. Then Savy and I started talking about it and it is a very possible reality. It's actually very frightening.

Jumping The Bat

I'm taking a class called RnR, which stands for Rational and Non-rational Approaches to Meaning. On the first day of class my teacher brought in a bat. He laid it on the floor so it separated us, the students, form him the teacher. He told us we were toeing the line of the bat and in the midst of crossing over it. The transition of moving from childhood to adulthood. As we left out class that day he had all of us jump over the bat. I was the first person of our senior class to jump the bat.

I think the metaphor is a beautiful and fitting one. I was forced to give up my innocence and childhood before most of my peers, but now I'm doing it with them. Though I am very grown up and have had to deal with too many grown up situations I am still a child I realize. And I'm terrified of jumping this bat. Right now I'm treated like an adult but if I screw up people still remember I'm a child. What happens when I do screw up and I'm an adult? I hate transitions and I don't want this to be an awful one for me. What can I do to make this an easy one?

Everything Is Gonna Be Ok

I feel hopeful. I'm three days into my senior year and I feel like everything is going to be okay. I'm being social and making friends. Today I had lunch with the funny black girls,  my god did I laugh. I know school is going to be hard, but I think I can do it. 

Last Day of Summer

Labor Day is here in Washington D.C. and the feeling is bittersweet. Summer is finally ending and senior year is beginning. I'm excited, terrified, and more than a little curious. Where will I be a year from here? How will senior year turn out? Will I get into the college I want to go to?

Anyway I'm going to enjoy the rest of Labor Day by being at family dinner at the Sanchez household, oh family dinner's with Margaritas how I've missed you... 

Christ Inside You

Last night while out and about on a nighttime adventure I met a man who told me he had is penis tattooed. At first I thought he was joking, but quickly realized how utterly serious he was. Apparently he had the words "Jesus Christ" tatted up the shaft of his penis. The reason for getting it done (wait for it) so he could say "you have Christ inside of you." I thought that was one of the most twisted and narcissistic things I had ever heard, but maybe that's just me. Any thoughts?

Just a thought II

Just a though.... 

The students at my school are totally cliquey. The faculty of my school totally cliquey. For every faculty clique there is matching student clique, which click together.

A Wink of Hope

I'm fuming. I'm angry. I'm sad. Last night I had dinner with my uncle, Peter. Prior to dinner I was a bundle of nerves. I had finally apologized to him and his wife, multiple times, for my behavior and I was going to see his wife for the first time in seven months. His wife who also happens to also seven months pregnant. This is a miracle child. And I am so unbelievable excited for the birth of my baby boy cousin! Yet I fear I will never get to see him. Last night proves my fears could very well may come true. I spent ages picking out the right outfit and the entire walk to his house I psyched myself out. I reminded myself of how happy I've been recently and that everything will be okay. I knew we weren't going to have dinner with my uncle and his wife, he emailed me the night before to tell me she was having dinner with a colleague. After being at his house for about ten minutes I asked where she (his wife, Tresha) was. Peter told me she was getting ready upstairs. When Brendan arrived we stayed at the house for a few more minutes and then we just left. She never came down to say hi. Nothing.

The walk to dinner was so awkward. How is it that three people who use to live together and are biologically related could be so fucking socially awkward with each other?  But after awhile things seemed to get better. Halfway through dinner my uncle winked at me. I don't know why but for some reason it seemed to resonate with me. Could this wink be a glimmer of hope? Will this family be okay?