Thursday, August 18, 2011

Reentry Into The Friendship Scene

Today I hung out with two boys from a nearby(ish) private school. I spent most of the week in a very zen like state of mind, essentially not thinking or obsessing about what it was going to be like. Recently I've attempted to be more chill, thanks to the influence of Hanna & Savy.

The old me would have obsessed about this meeting for hours on end. What would I wear? Is it okay that my Cosmopolitan is by my bed? Will they think that I'm stupid for reading Cosmo? That sort of stuff.

Anyway back to my original point. I was calm all week up until this morning. And then a slight creeping panic spread across me. What was I going to talk to these boys about? We had nothing in common. It was in this moment that I thought that my friendship with Hanna & Savy left me slightly socially retarded. I am so close to these two individuals, and they with me, that for the most part we have absolutely no filter around each other. All of a sudden I was going to have to think about what was and was not appropriate to say and do in front of other people.

Just before the boys showed up I called Savy in a panic. I left a slightly embarassingly frantic voice mail saying "I had a made a huge mistake and didn't know what to do." Thankful she didn't pick up and I managed to pull my self together in time.

I laugh now think about all of this, but I was also correct. My relationship with Hanna & Savy has allowed me to not need to socialize with others up until now. I feel relief and a sense of accomplishment that I've managed to start making friends on my own. Maybe it is good that both of them are gone for now. I being forced out of my comfort zone and I know I can handle it.

I feel as if I've jumped over one of the first big hurdles, of many for this year, and I feel damn fucking proud (God I'm so modest). 

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